Overtoom Photography

Ich bekam heute Morgen einen lustigen Artikel von meinem Freund Peter gemailt. Einige von Euch wissen das ich zwischen 1996 und 2003 in Botswana als Safariguide gearbeitet habe. Peter, der ebenfalls Guide bei Afro Ventures war, ist jetzt als Lodge Manager in Tanzania tätig. Der Artikel ist in Englisch und wurde von den Jungs von Wilderness verfasst. Aber es könnte auch von uns geschrieben sein, just hilarious!

A recent story on TravelHub said that the SA Tourism team in Germany 
were looking for the face of ‘khaki fever’ – a game ranger who was 
enthusiastic, knowledgeable, good-looking and well spoken. Well, 
excuse me – aren’t they all? I don’t know about you, but I think 
anyone who puts on that paramilitary uniform with the green 
epaulettes is at once blessed with flashing eyes and a dashing air. 
Only once in my life (alright, maybe twice) have I come across a game 
ranger who didn’t immediately make me want to take him home to mother.

But there is one attribute that these seekers-after- the-face- of-khaki-
fever have left out, and that is diplomacy.

Game rangers, who are at the cutting edge of the wilderness 
experience, often have to field rather strange perceptions from the 
public – most of which come from overseas tourists with Hollywood-
shaped ideas of Africa. Apart from the obvious and ongoing task of 
preventing guests from climbing out of vehicles to pet the lions, 
there are few things more dreaded than the impossible questions. 

One guest on a game drive wanted to know at what stage monkeys turned 
into baboons. Another asked whether zebras hunted in packs. Yet 
another was firmly of the opinion that hippos laid eggs.

A ranger taking out a vehicle full of Americans near Sabie was 
intrigued by one lady who continually hung over the side of the 
Landrover, staring intently at the ground. He kept an eye on the 
track himself, wondering if she was seeing some mysterious spoor that 
had eluded him. Finally he asked her what she was looking at. “It’s 
all this sand,” she replied admiringly. “Where did you get it from?”

Then there’s the story of a well-known television celebrity who was 
travelling through KwaZulu-Natal on her way to a game lodge. She 
asked her guide what was growing so lushly in the fields next to the 
road. 

“Sugar cane,” he replied and was rather surprised when she asked what 
sugar cane was used for. “You get sugar from sugar cane,” he 
replied. “Oh,” she said incredulously. “I thought they mined sugar.”

A British guest at an exclusive game lodge complained bitterly to the 
management over breakfast that she had been kept awake for most of 
the night by a leopard noisily killing a buck right outside her 
bedroom window. Even when she had drawn the curtains to block out the 
gory sight the struggles continued, not to mention the sucking and 
slurping sounds she had to put up with as the leopard settled down to 
its meal. It had simply ruined her stay.

Another guest had a far more sympathetic view of these graceful cats. 
She came running back excitedly from an early-morning game walk to 
call urgently to a group of rangers having breakfast: “Come quickly! 
There’s a leopard stuck up a tree!”

Another ranger was hosting a table at a lodge near Thabazimbi when a 
voluble lady guest returned to her seat and enthused about the 
wonderful life-like display at the dessert table. Display? The ranger 
didn’t remember any display….He went to have a look – and found a 
three-metre python wrapped around the fruit-salad bowl.

A charming American couple who flew to a remote lodge in Botswana 
mentioned casually to their bushpilot that they had had no hot water 
during their stay. Their guide was appalled to hear this, and asked 
them why they had not reported this easily-fixable fault. “Oh, it 
wasn’t a problem,” the guests said, clearly discomfited by having 
caused a fuss, “we thought everyone in Africa bathed in cold water.”

It is almost impossible to gauge exactly what will appeal to these 
wide-eyed globetrotters.
We can only pity the ranger who arrived back in camp from a game 
drive two hours later than usual. He staggered into reception, wild-
eyed and exhausted, his happily-chatting guests trailing behind. 
Everybody was coated in sticky black mud.

To startled questioning, he admitted that the Land Cruiser had become 
bogged down in thick mud near a waterhole. The only possible solution 
was for the guests to help him push it out. Unfortunately they 
enjoyed the experience so much that, once the vehicle was free, they 
insisted he drive it back into the mud so they could push it out 
again!

It is at times like these that the ranger’s diplomacy is tested to 
the limit. But diplomacy is, after all, the stock in trade of all 
people in the hospitality industry. One has to deal with all the 
idiosyncrasies of the public without hurting their feelings.

First prize goes to a ranger at a lodge in Mpumalanga who was 
standing on a raised wooden verandah in front of the lounge with his 
guests, watching the sun go down over a nearby lake with all the 
flamboyant glory of a day’s end in Africa.

“What a gorgeous sunset,” enthused one lady guest, laying her hand on 
the ranger’s arm. “Do you get them often?”
“Oh, yes, ma’am,” replied the ranger, poker-faced. “Every night, in 
fact, round about this time.”

Many thanks to Wilderness Safaris for suppling the article.